No grand entrance is
ever made by it. It just shows up on the day you were born. It
is always there, it just hovers around you in a fog or haze of
nothing and everything. On the wings of a clock, it approaches
your existence and glides along the edges of your vision, dancing and
parading just out of sight. In and out of light and shadows it
moves quietly with determination to remain as loudly out of your mind
as it can. From time to time, boredom will overcome its stealth
antics and it will cross directly in front of your eyes, reminding
you that it exists and is waiting.
Knowing what it is,
you will look at the sand beneath you, look at the small hole your
head will eventually fill, and you feel some sort of power over it.
You can hide and you can pretend that it is not there or that it is
not powerful. The hole will become a sanctuary from the fear
and trepidation that it brings every time it reminds you that it is
there to stay. You will avoid it every time it chooses to show
a mere glimmer of itself, and by doing that you give it more power
over you.
You will sing,
laugh, twirl in fabulous colors, and you will wallow with selfish joy
in love and someone else. Life will be filled with stories,
memories, photos and emotions of the people, events, and choices you
have made. Breathless moment after breathless moment surrounded
by mere minutes of terror, fear, and relief. You will demand
that your soul leave its print on this world and you will make sure
as many people will feels its power every day.
Eventually it does
not just let you know it is watching, it will stand proudly in front
of you and make sure you understand that everything in your life is
over and has always been for someone else. For lots of someone
elses. For the man you have made love to, fought with, and
stood side by side with. For the sister with whom you have
shared all your secrets, stole her clothes, and mocked her funny
shoes. For the people at work who know your heart and know your
ethics each day you sit in the muddy waters with them. You have
smelled flowers, kissed lips, and cried rivers so that when it
finally comes, the ones you love now will love you until it is their
turn to stop dancing and breathing.
When they stop their
own tears, and they can raise their heads without the pain resonating
deep in their chest, they will pull out those photos, and memories
and stories and you will live again. You will be funny, you
will be drunk, you will fall down and you will stand back up.
You will still make them laugh and make them angry. They will
love you all over again.
When it comes to
taunt you and show that it has not forgotten you, do not put your
head under the sand, do not shy away from its impressive performance,
look it in the eye, straighten your spine and smile. For you know
with everything you have that you will live on forever in the form of
what was and what will never be again.
You will live on
forever as the one person that only you could be.
