It
starts with the thoughts.
I
have to stop them, with their taunting and their nagging and the fuel
that they throw into the flames of my fury.
Silence.
I
can feel them. My emotions. I can see them in my mind. They are
tangible.
First
the rage.
The
fire that is burning through my veins, making my blood boil and my
head pound and my body shake with misguided passion.
It
has to be extinguished before my thoughts can return.
I
focus on the nothing and let the tension bleed from my body, like
blood from a butchered pig.
I
feel for the pig. I feel disembowled.
Next
the confusion.
I
can rid myself of it now, with the anger gone.
I
refocus and look through the windshield at my wife from across the
street.
She
exits from our favorite dinner spot with another man, and she
embraces him.
She's
supposed to be at a work meeting.
A
friend had tipped me off this morning. "I'm telling you,"
he'd said, "she's cheating on you."
Now
I have proof.
And
I can't stand by.
I
exit the car and let my feet guide me. My eyes lock onto her.
She
doesn't see me.
As
I reach the middle if the road, she reaches into her jacket. Her hand
comes out holding a business card.
I
freeze in my tracks.
The
man takes the card. They shake hands.
A
car horn blares, and the driver yells a curse. I'm right in the
middle of the lane.
Kate's
voice rings out.
Now
I feel for the deer that gets caught in the headlights.
"I,
uh, just got off work. I thought I'd surprise you."
"Oh.
And no flowers?"
I
stare at her and sputter for words. She laughs.
"Honey,
I'm kidding! To be honest, I'm just impressed that you remembered I
was meeting with Mr. Anderson here tonight."
I
do now.
“It’s
nice to know that you really do listen sometimes,” she says with a
smile.